I found my dog Scout on the internet. I am not proud to admit this. Grieving the loss of our previous dog, I had taken to browsing dog shelter websites. I ended up on Gumtree and there she was. Big ears, intelligent eyes, a strangely long body on short legs. By the time my husband and I went to meet her, I was smitten. She obligingly raced over and presented her tummy for a scratch. Done. Reader, I rehomed her.
That’s the thing about dogs: they dive into our hearts. It is difficult to “just go for a look” at a puppy or a rescue dog. Which is why it’s worth having a few honest conversations before emotion takes the lead.
“Getting a dog is a ten-to-15-year commitment,” says Lindsay Arliss, dog behaviour and training specialist at Woodgreen, home of Channel 4’s The Dog House. “How is your lifestyle going to alter in that time? Are you thinking about having children, or are you on the brink of retirement and hoping to travel?
"Life will change, so you need to pick that dog carefully.” Dog ownership can be the best thing people ever do, Lindsay adds, “if they just set it up right”.
With that in mind, these are the five questions every couple needs to discuss, to make sure a dog is the right fit for their lives together:
How will a dog fit into our daily routine?
When Tom and Rachel brought home their cockapoo Alfie, they imagined he’d slot into the life they already loved: long walks and a café stop at weekends, dog snoozing under the desk while they worked. What they hadn’t anticipated was how quickly Alfie would develop strong opinions of his own. “He hated busy places,” Rachel says. “He’d freeze outside cafés and suddenly our relaxed Saturday mornings felt stressful rather than fun.”
This disconnect between fantasy and reality is common, says Lindsay. “Many people try to mould a dog to fit their lifestyle. Dogs can adjust, but sometimes you have to meet them in the middle.” While puppies can often be gradually introduced to different environments, mature rescue dogs may arrive with sensitivities that shape what daily life looks like.
Before committing, it’s worth examining your routines honestly. How demanding are your jobs? How precious are you about your free time? What happens if one of you is ill or frequently away for work? Do you have back-up care, whether paid or from friends and family? “People often say it takes a village to care for a dog,” says Lindsay. “You can’t necessarily do it all on your own.”
Then there’s walking. The People’s Dispensary for Sick Animals (PDSA) recommends up to one to two hours per day, depending on the breed and age. That might mean swapping a morning yoga mat for a muddy field, or a post-work pint for an evening stroll. Talking through how responsibilities will be shared, from dawn walks to vet visits, can prevent one partner becoming the default carer. As Tom puts it now, “Once we stopped pretending Alfie was ‘low-maintenance’, everything got easier.”
What is our shared training philosophy?
All dogs benefit from training. It keeps their minds active, reinforces commands and is a great way to bond, but it helps if the “parents” are both on the same page. Jen and Harry’s dog Spike barks as soon as they finish eating. “Harry always gives Spike a plate to lick, so now he hassles us the minute we put down our knives and forks,” says Jen. “If it’s just me eating, Spike doesn’t do that.”
The odd smuggled treat from the soft-touch owner is not super-serious, but Lindsay has seen how differences in approach can be problematic. “When one person has an excellent relationship with the dog because they’ve put in the time and the other is frustrated because they haven’t, that can cause a rift,” she says. “Dogs find it difficult when there are different expectations. If one of you lets the dog on the sofa and the other doesn’t, how is the dog supposed to know? That’s unfair on them.” Try to establish a few ground rules from day one and agree that both of you will stick to them.
Are we both ok with the lifestyle shift?
Expect reduced spontaneity. Last-minute weekends away or drawn-out lunches with friends are harder to pull off. When it comes to holidays, you’ll need to be super-organised if you plan to leave your dog at home. Trustworthy boarding options are rarely available at a moment’s notice. Some have to be booked up to six months in advance for peak holiday periods, and you might want to trial a shorter stay before you go long-haul.
Travelling with your dog means sticking to the UK or Europe. When Ellie and her partner Trev got a dachshund, Nelson, they converted a builder’s van into a campervan for dog-friendly trips. “I hated the idea of leaving him behind. The guilt was not something I had expected!” says Ellie. “We worked hard at getting him used to being on the road and he now loves the van. He’s been to France, Belgium, the Netherlands, Spain, Italy and Portugal.” Remember, your dog will need a passport for European travel*. Organising an overseas flit might not be quite so romantic now you’re a threesome.
Who will pay for what?
According to the PDSA, a dog can cost you between £6,200 and £18,800 over its lifetime, so you’ll need to discuss how costs will be shared and what would happen if one person’s income suddenly changes.
Aside from the initial outlay of buying the dog and the ongoing costs of care and food, there may be one-off expenses, such as dog-proofing your garden or even a new car. When my husband Steve and I bought our first dog, Betty, a greyhound, we quickly realised she was too big for our Ford Fiesta. She didn’t cost much, but a new car did. I blush to admit that we had not considered this upfront.
Think about how you’ll pay for vet’s bills, too, which can be up to £30 for a simple visit to get their claws clipped. “I’d recommend consulting the Association of British Insurers’ online pet-insurance guide before making a decision,” says Dr Elizabeth Mullineaux, British Veterinary Association President. When it comes to the fun stuff, travelling may mean paying more for dog-friendly hotel rooms or cabins on ferries, while a boarding service typically costs around £30 per night.
Are we both ready for the emotional impact?
Dogs offer unconditional love, inject fun into daily life and encourage us out into the fresh air, boosting our mental and physical health. But with that can also come worry, guilt and changing relationship dynamics. Claire got Martin, a Maltese and bichon frise-cross, two years ago, with her partner Laura. “It has been a journey for us as a couple,” she says. “Laura was not a fan of getting a dog because, as the person at home the most, she knew it would mean extra work. She resented Martin at first, but now adores him. I get quite jealous!”
Initially, they were both strict with Martin. “He wasn’t allowed upstairs and he went into his crate at night,” says Claire. By 18 months, though, he had become less of a handful and their strict rules softened. “Now, he has free run of the house.” They both enjoy the benefits of dog walks, a detour to the butcher’s for a bone and the odd fun purchase; he recently got a new jumper. “Martin is the heart of the home,” Claire says. “When he comes in, he gets this whole fanfare and dances around. It feels different when he’s not here. He’s that little guy that pulls it all together.”
Top model picks for your dog
Barbour Tartan Dog Collar
Dress your dog like David Gandy does in one of Barbour's stylish dog collars. This leather and tartan number is durable and chic.
Barbour Quilted Dog Coat
Who says Barbour jackets are just for humans? Now you and your pooch can match on rainy walks.
Hugo & Hudson x Hackett Tweed Dog Collar
This tweed collar has been designed by Hackett, another of David's favourite brands to dress both himself and his dog in.
